Welcome to the SJ Alpha E3 2012 Awards extravaganza! We’ll be giving out highly-coveted virtual awards to games and companies that made this year’s E3 so special. Put on your fanciest Internetz browsing duds, and enjoy the “ceremony.”
Best Flash Mob/Alien Invasion Simulator
Platinum Games > Wii U
Wanna dress up in fun costumes, run around in a crazy mob, and fight giant alien robots? Then this is your game! Use the Wii U GamePad to summon giant swords, guns, and fists to fight off an army of oversized alien robots. Run around the neighborhood rescuing average people and turn them into superheroes to grow your mob. A really fun far-out game from the crew that brought you cult favorites like Viewtiful Joe and MadWorld.
Best Dynasty Warriors Mash-Up!
Tecmo Koei > PS3
First there was Dynasty Warriors: Gundam, then there was Fist of the North Star: Ken’s Rage. Both games took the classic DW gameplay, wading through crowds of enemies laying down the hurt, and added a new property. Well now it’s One Piece’s turn! And while Gundam and Fist are fun, the combat is better suited for the crazy attacks in One Piece. Plus, there are so many characters with totally different fighting styles! This is a match made in otaku heaven!
Best Floor Display
Crab Monster Eating the Golden Gate Bridge
Trion Worlds > PC, PS3, Xbox 360
For an E3 that was generally considered a dud, this one had some really epic floor displays. Fifteen foot tall mecha you could have your picture taken in, a power loader being attacked by an alien that you can also have your pic snapped in just to name a couple. But the one that impressed me was the enormous, intricate, and just plain cool Golden Gate Bridge being destroyed display from Defiance. I have no idea if the show or game will be good, but this display certainly was. I bet we’ll see it at Comic-Con as well.
Most F-Bombs Per Minute
Square Enix > PC, PS3, Xbox 360
Golly, this game will turn your ears red real fast. Do not play this game with Grandma in the room, lock her up in the basement. In the short time I played it, I there must have been 20 F-bombs! And I think there’s even more cursing in Chinese! Aside from the profanity, it’s a really fun GTA-style game with a visually stunning world and some hardboiled Hong Kong action movie fun.
Other Rad Game with “Dogs” in the Title
Ubisoft > PC, PS3, Xbox 360
A new IP?! That’s insane! Nobody wants to play new games. They just want sequels, right? Wrong-a-roonie! People do want new IP’s, just not crappy ones. Ubisoft, the unofficial winner of this year’s E3, wowed the crowd with this technological twist on sandbox games. By all appearances, the game looks like a GTA clone, but one where you have almost godlike powers to hack into the city’s grid and control all manner of things like stoplights, drawbridges, etc. You can also hack into people’s lives and learn their dirty secrets. It’s a great concept with a lot of potential.
Most Traumatic Trailer
Square Enix > PC, PS3, Xbox 360
Uhh…I don't think trailers are supposed to make you feel yucky. It’s one thing to be rough; it’s another to be straight-up abusive. I really think they may have gone a bit too far. The trailer had a sadistic edge to it that seemed out of step with the previous Tomb Raider games. Also, when she utters the phrase “I hate tombs” at the end, it really irked me. One, it’s a weak Raider's riff, and two, um…isn’t she like a tomb raider or something?
Saddest Copycat Game
Sony > PS3, PS Vita
Imitation is the purest form of flattery, but straight-up copying is just sad. Usually copycat games are reserved for the cellphone game industry, and not megacorporations like Sony. On top of that, their roster is really strange. The reason Super Smash Bros. is so successful is those characters are ingrained into our youth and many people have an emotional connection to them. Anybody really identify with the Killzone guy? Fat Princess? A sad sign of the times. That being said, it’s nice to see Parappa!
Brainiest Rhythm Game
XSEED > PS Vita
I love game genre mash-ups! Especially one's out of left field, and that's definitely where this rhythm/RTS game comes from. You control a god who dances through a battlefield to the rhythm. Enemies attack you along the way, and it's your job to pick out the right color and type of troops to meet their attack—to the rhythm of a song. Pick the wrong color or miss a beat, and they'll be consequences. Do everything right, and your army will get stronger. A really neat conept that will appeal to those looking for something a little different.
Handsomest Fighting Game Character
I'm a sucker for well-dressed individuals smoking cigars. Look at his smile! Look at his big eyes! So handsome! No seriously, I tend to gravitate towards the wacky character in fighting games. Dr. Faust, Voldo, Dhalsim, if there’s an oddball, I’m playing him. That’s why I instantly fell in love with Teddie. Not only is he cute, he's actually pretty good in battle. Developed by System Arcs (Guilty Gear, BlazBlue), this slick 2D fighter, is fast and very easy on the eyes. Good stuff.
Biggest Surprise from the Big Three’s Press Conference Award
Nobody dropped any bombs, blew people away or even surpised them! All three companies, Nintendo, Microsoft and Sony pretty much announced super obvious sequels, software updates, and silly peripherals. Hopefully, all the flak they rightfully got from the gaming press will prompt them to reexamine why they even have press conferences and actually release some information next year. We'll have to wait and see.
And that wraps up the annual SJ Alpha E3 2012 Awards! Hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you on the red carpet next year!
by Urian Brown